New Year, New Me? (2 Years Later)

Hi Everyone! It’s been 2 years!!! That’s right 2 years!!!  I know some of you may be wondering…“what in the world happened to you?!”  Well, a lot of what's happened to most of us…

Life in the midst of the unknown, life in the midst of major change, life in a Pandemic. 

As we are all finally seeing the light out of this tunnel of the pandemic, the light in me is dying to finally peek out again and reconnect with the relationships with once I felt deep connections, the passion that I have for pouring myself into my writing among a few other creative outlets, and to just move more freely in general.  It’s 2022! A year that still sounds so strange to this 80’s baby, but here we are! 4 months in to be exact.  Which is OK because April symbolically is the month of “New beginnings” and has been that way for me for some time, as it is the month of Christ’s resurrection after which comes new life!  But before we move forward into this second quarter of the year, I just want to take a brief look back first.

2020 was a year for the books.  Many of us went into the year with such optimism, hope, and excitement for a year that we thought was going to be our best.  Then as an entire World, we got hit with so much.  From a national panic due to a pandemic, the loss of so many loved ones, many dealing with the loss of their businesses and jobs, to highlighted racial divide and injustice, and more.  

This was NOT what I had in mind on my last post when I said “2020 Vision/ Clarity”.  Though in hindsight it really did open our eyes to a world we never imagined.  It’s almost laughable how much we think we know and yet life seems to humble us and remind us once again that we are not in control.  

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” -Isaiah 55: 8-9

I know we all had our fair share of moments of this truth this year but it’s on my heart to share with you a deep dive into mine, with hopes that it brings you peace, relatable circumstance, or maybe even shared lessons that I’ve learned.

At the end of 2019, I had just gotten engaged and had this glimmering outlook on life.  It’s possible I was just blinded by the sparkle of my ring lol jk guys!  But seriously I was on a cloud of joy and excitement.  I was “Ready” for everything that the year had to bring me, then BAM  like a ton of bricks that vision came crumbling down.  On March 3rd, 2020  a random Thursday, my fiance at the time was over hanging out and having dinner with me when I got a cryptic phone call from my Mom that instantly made my stomach drop.  My childhood Pastor, family friend, and the man that had baptized me into the Christian Faith had taken his own life.  Though I had experienced my own personal low many years ago which allowed me to understand the thoughts of suicide, still the amount of shock, confusion, and pain I felt from this was inexplainable.  I struggled to process and pick up the pieces.  It more than a little bit rocked my world, even more than I had actually realized at the time.  

Next came the COVID1-9 pandemic.  One day we’re all at work and things are “Normal” and the next we’re forced out the door and being told that we “Must exit the premises and work from home for the next 2 weeks”.  If I'm being totally honest, to work from home full-time was my dream.  To me, home is my favorite place to be, so I was happy to get a break from office life.  But as the virus continued to spread, suddenly 2 weeks turned into 2 months...2 months into 6 months..6 months into 8...then Bam here we were still in the same position 1 year later.  Talk about hindsight being 2020.  With the dangers of the virus, we were forced to change how we interacted with friends/family, where we worshiped, where we dined, how we celebrated Birthdays and special occasions, and more.  

With no clear vision out of this pandemic and a desire to honor God with our relationship, Michael and I decided to get married in a small ceremony (just us 2), move together, then shortly after we purchased a home in the burbs.  It was like our dreams were happening in fast forward but with protective masks, and fewer people present.  Nonetheless, these were some of the best things that happened for us in 2020.  This was our sunshine in the rain.  Or as one of my friends would call it,  “COVID lemonade”, where we made lemonade out of the lemons we were given.  

In 2021 things were looking better with a vaccine for the virus and booster shots.  Still, unfortunately, we were met with more scares and even the loss of more loved ones due to covid and other illnesses.  Thankfully still with as much loss as we experienced, we also were able to have more celebrations.  Michael and I Finally had our Wedding, though still on a smaller scale, it was more beautiful than we imagined.  Literally and figuratively as it also connected and brought healing to our families.  It reminded us that our union is greater than us.  That God brought us together to mend some of the wounds of our loved ones but also to break curses for the future generations of our family.  We also celebrated some of our closest friend's weddings and also welcomed new life!  Something else that I took advantage of for the first time was dun dun dun……..Therapy.  It’s something I’ll share more about in another post but is something to not leave out as it was a game-changer for me.  I learned that it’s absolutely ok to need a little help processing things and healing past trauma.  

The past two years may have knocked us all off of our game at some point or another but I’m here to tell you today that no matter how these past couple of years may have rocked you, made you fall off the wagon, or made you lose sight of the vision that you had for your life; you can choose to get up and get back to purpose, your goals, hopes, and dreams or allow God to help lead you to new ones.  Every day is a day to start fresh.  Yes, MANY things have changed but for those who believe, the changes both good and bad are ultimately FOR OUR GOOD.  Happy Second quarter of the new year yall.  Let's keep going and moving forward!

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” -Romans 8:28

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” - Jeremiah 29:11

P.S.: How we’re dancing into the future!

"Saying Goodbye to 2019, A Decade!"

Hi Loves!!! I know it’s been a MINUTE since I last posted. I pray that all is well with you all!  

If you’ve landed here, it’s pretty safe to say that you’ve also encountered the many reflections of 2019 that have been posted all over social media. Prior to these encounters, it was on my heart to share my reflections of this past year and decade which continue to create the beautiful testimony God has given me.  

As I sit here in my apartment kitchen looking out to the sky (I live on the 10th floor, all I see are tree’s clouds, and birds lol) on this last day of 2019. I can't help but to feel overwhelmed with gratitude for all that God has done!

Side Note: If you haven't already... go listen to “Count Your Blessings” on Kanye’s Sunday Choir ‘Jesus is Born’ album. This song will encourage you to ponder on the blessings God is constantly pouring out in your life and the lives of those around you.

As I reflect on this past decade, I realize just how much it has been one of much trial, error, learning hard lessons, and witnessing major victories. This is the decade in which I became an adult. Entering it at the age of 20 and leaving it now at 30. It’s still hard to believe that I graduated from college at the beginning of this decade in 2011. Then in 2013, I took the leap of faith to move to Washington, DC on my own. That year and the years to follow (2014-2015) were the HARDEST years of my life thus far. I was literally just surviving! I almost didn't make it, it was only the grace of God that kept me (Inserts praise hands!). In 2016 I re-dedicated my life to Christ. I had a revelation that year on Resurrection Sunday (Easter) about the crucifixion of Jesus Christ that I can’t unsee but touched my heart deeply and changed me for the better. That year I spent alone in what felt like isolation with just God. In 2017 I was introduced to some of the most beautiful ladies and sisters in Christ (You know who you are!!! Pinky Promise DC and District Church DC Shaw Women's small group). Our friendships have been instrumental in my walk with Christ and overall life experience in the DC area. In 2018, I was given a microphone and interviewed one of the most influential voices in our Christian community today, onstage at a conference with over 800 attendees.

With all that has happened in the past decade, I can personally say that 2019 has been one of the BEST years I’ve had this far! I started out the year celebrating with my sisters in Christ at a New Year's Day brunch where we prayed for each other, our goals, our future, our impact, and our Destiny. The fruit of this experience has truly been evident in our lives this year.

“Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching anything that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.” - Matthew 18:19

At this brunch, I also shared with my friends that God put it on my heart that instead of a New Years resolution, my word for the year was going to be LOVE. This meant loving myself better, making decisions out of love and not fear, and also jokingly said “Allowing love to enter my life” lol (Which it Did!) . Seeing just how God has allowed these things to manifest in my life has been nothing short of AH-mazing!!!

This year (2019):

1. I launched “Lamp At Her Feet Blog”!

2. Helped carry out the mission of a powerful Christian Conference for the second year in a row.

3. Have found freedom from a few past traumas and have begun to find my voice.

4. Have hiked a couple of Mountains.

5. I Met and got ENGAGED to the Man of my dreams EEEEKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

6. Have gained a new Amazing God-honoring family <3

God has done some absolutely incredible things in this past year and I cannot wait to see what this year has in store for us all in 2020. The year of Clarity and Vision! 

With just a few hours left until the New Year, I want to encourage you all to pray about and write out your vision for 2020.

“Yahweh answered me, "Write the vision, and make it plain on tablets, that he who runs may read it.

For the vision is yet for the appointed time, and it hurries toward the end, and won't prove false. Though it takes time, wait for it; because it will surely come. It won't delay.” - Habakkuk 2:2-3

How are you reflecting on this past year/decade?

What are you praying for in 2020?

I’d love to hear more about it in the comments!

Until Next Year loves!!

<3

"The Power of Transparency"

For the majority of my life, I’ve felt like I had been placed on a pedestal, both knowingly and unknowingly by friends and family. I know that this is due to the fact that I have taken on many roles in leadership since a very young age. Whether it was in the church, at school, in the community, even at work. I’ve always enjoyed being a part of a cause greater than myself. I also have a naturally outgoing demeanor and a desire for order and continuous learning which seems to walk me right into these roles.

When being looked to as a leader, it’s easy to fall into the trap of portraying yourself as though you have everything figured out and have it all together. Not that showing stability is wrong, after all, who wants to follow someone who is unstable? It’s in trying to maintain the image of perfection that we don’t allow others to get know our true selves. When we do this we cheat not only ourselves of healing and walking in freedom, we also cheat others of the opportunity to be healed by our truth. There's such hope and healing that can come from knowing that if someone made it through a difficult season, struggle, or addiction, that you can as well. We also cheat ourselves from developing deeper relationships that God purposed for our lives when we shy away from being real and open.

“Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.” - Ephesians 4:25

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” - John 8:32

When the idea of this blog was first put on my heart (LAST YEAR!!), I was super excited about it. I told a few of my friends and family members and even stepped down from a volunteer responsibility (you guessed it… in a leadership role, of course ) in order to bring more focus to my writing and the launch of this project. I started off with so much focus and enthusiasm. I purchased the website domain, a professional camera, had several self-directed photoshoots, I poured out and re-lived moments in my life in order to share it here, and more. As soon as I thought I was ready, the enemy overwhelmed my heart with fear. With the fear of what others would think after sharing some of the things that have caused me the greatest shame. Fear of what those involved would feel about their portrayal in my stories. But ultimately the fear of tapping into my most authentic self. The fear of truly being the person that God created me to be and the impact that it would have on those who he has planned for me to reach through being transparent. We know that this is all a part of what the enemy does in trying to stop God’s plans.

Recently I fell in love <3. Truly in love with a man who I trusted to share my truth with during our very first conversation. At the time I didn’t know what had gotten into me. Why would I share something so personal with a complete stranger? What gave me the boldness to do this? Maybe it was that I was trying to sabotage the start of a potentially amazing relationship? Or maybe it was the opposite, I wanted him to see the real me, let the cat out of the bag, and give him the option to choose if I was someone he would want to be with. To my surprise, he listened intently, empathized with my mistakes, was understanding of my emotions, and even took on a protective nature towards me. What I thought were my scars, he thought made me beautiful. What I thought would push him away, drew him closer to me.

Don't get me wrong, I do believe that we must be wise in who we trust our hearts with, but also keep in mind that transparency is important for building “REAL” relationships.

Humans were made for relationship. It’s through relationships, whether with family, friends, spouses, etc..that we heal and grow. It’s through relationships that our strengths, weaknesses, and both positive and negative behaviors are brought to light, and so much more. It is also through our relationships that we get to test love and grow in Godly love.

I’d never be able to experience such an amazing love and move forward on a journey to freedom if I had not allowed myself to be transparent and let love cover my scars. Almost like our relationship with God. His son Jesus was crucified on the cross to shed blood that would cover our sins. This is the ultimate display of love! To die and cover our sins with Love and not punishment.

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” - 1 John 4:18

I for one know the crippling fear of being transparent, though at the same time, I am learning the rewards and positive effects of it. Being transparent sometimes may feel like jumping off of a cliff, with no safety net. But we must remember that God’s love is our safety net! His love has set us free!

Let's walk in this thang!! (Freedom!)

Until next time loves,

#LAMPATHERFEET